When I was 25, I was very lucky. My psychiatrist worked with the BC Ministry of Health and I received funding to go to treatment at Renfrew in Coconut Creek, Florida. It was the first time I was actually able to increase my weight and keep most of the weight on after I left. I really did need to do a fair amount of emotional work before I could do this. It was the first time I really had the chance to do this as the treatment program I was in back home felt you needed to do weight gain first before very much emotional work could be done.
It is amazing how strong an influence my thinking had on my behaviour without my really being aware of it. I remember I used to say a lot that I could NOT eat "such and such a food" and truly feeling I was telling the total truth. It took some time before it struck home that what I was thinking and saying were NOT actually true. One day, I finally realized that when I said I couldn't eat something it wasn't accurate. I could chew it and swallow it, I wasn't allergic to it, etc. The reality was I COULD eat it. What was really the truth was that I was AFRAID to eat it. Learning to change my inner dialogue and using this new thought of "I am afraid to eat it" gave me something to work with and something to fight for. Now I could start addressing the fear and trying to eat the food rather then simply refusing to contemplate it.
It may seem obvious and simple but it really was a journey that took a long time to realize. However, it gave me new freedom to move forward in the fight for recovery.
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