Jealousy and Shame

A girl I know who is struggling with an eating disorder is being sent back to treatment in another province.  She was sent there in December and returned here in the spring without completing the transitional program as they would not fund the living expenses for that part of the treatment.  She has relapsed and the government is now funding her return. 

I am happy she is getting the help but at the same time I am filled with a mixture of anger, resentment, frustration, and sadness.  I have tried so hard to get funding.  I wrote many letters, I have continued to work hard regardless of changes in therapists, I have worked hard when in hospital even when it hasn't been the best treatment for me, and yet here I am moving toward another admission with the program I have been in so many times before.  It is hard not to question why her and not me?  And yet, then again, why me and not someone else?  

I have been incredibly lucky in terms of the help I have received in the past.  I have had the chance to go elsewhere for treatment before and benefited greatly from it.  I know I need to focus on what I have and what I can get here because that is my reality right now.  I hate the fact that I feel anything but happiness.  I hope I can let that go and remember what I want and what I may need may not be the same and that I have to move forward with an open mind and a willingness to find new opportunities to learn and grow.